I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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