I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
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What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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