Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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