lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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