I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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