We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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