i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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