so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize