I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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