I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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