She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize