mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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