Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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