I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize