his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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