I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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