When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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