She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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