My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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