they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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