Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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