So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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