she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize