I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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