I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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