You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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