I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You were trust falling into bushes
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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