Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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