Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize