I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize