I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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