I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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