I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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