sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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