i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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