He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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