You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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