I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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