Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
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If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize