so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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