i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize