so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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