the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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