Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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