Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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