i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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