you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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