he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize