holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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