dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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